I rate wines out of 5 corks. Never mind the precision of the Robert Parker 100-point system (which is really out of 50, and in practice out of 70 or so…). Here is a general explanation of my thoughts as related to the number of corks I give a wine, beer, or spirit.

Zero corks: () This is poison. Never ever ever drink it, ever.

One cork (): Blech. I would drink it if it were free, but under no other circumstances. Serious flaws or problems (e.g., way out of {balance}).

Two corks (): Not terrible, but may or may not buy again. It has potential, but has some noticeable flaw or weird off-flavor.

Three corks (): Pretty darn good. Would probably buy again, good as an everyday wine. Not incredibly complex, but a good quaffer.

Four corks (): Outstanding. Great balance, awesome aromas/flavors, pretty complex. Probably a rare rating indeed.

Five corks (): Orgasmic. Extremely rare. Decadent, complex. A life-altering experience.